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One, two, one, two, three, quattro



John was living in Ocean Beach, California with his girlfriend,

Julie, when he decided one day, "Hey, Jule, let`s move up north.

To northern California where the air is clear and the skies are

blue and they have more traditional family values. What do say

Jule?" So they loaded up their car and they moved up north to

the Santa Cruz mountains near the Byantine Winery into a one

bedroom trailer behind the bowling alley. Two blocks from the

supermarket. One more block to the south



Of Dick`s Automotive

Dick`s Automotive

Dick`s Automotive

Dick`s Automotive



John applied for a job at Dick`s Automotive and Dick came to

the door and he said, "Tell me Johnny boy. Can you rotate the

tires on a `72 Subaru?" He said, "No." "Well then, can you change

the oil in a `76 Pinto?" He said, "No." "Well can you rebuild

a holly four-barrelled carburetor on a `69 Camaro with a big

`ol hearse shift rod?" And he said, "Um, no." "Do you have a

girlfriend with long, red, curly hair. Creamy, milk-white thighs.

Big full lips. Biceps like Henry Rollings? And can she just scream

like a hyena in the summer?" And he said, "Yes." And Dick said,

"Boy, then you`re hired."



At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive



John studied real, real hard. He learned how to rotate the tires

on a `72 Subaru. He learned how to change the oil in all the

Pinto`s. And he learned how to rebuild that holly four-barrelled

carburetor on a `69 Camaro. And much, much more than that. He

learned how to make love with his girlfriend, Julie like a real

man oughta. And Dick gave him his service stripes and he said,

"There`s a little old lady and her car`s broken down up near

the Byantine Winery. You gotta help her man. Go Sheba, Go. Rrraah,

Rrraah." So he sent him on his way and about that time Dick glued

back in his dentures, glued back on his toupee, stood in front

of the mirror and said, "I feel sexy! I wonder what Julie`s doin`

all alone in that trailer. I bet she`s having trouble opening

up a can of peaches right now. I`ll bring along my blowtorch

just to see if she needs help." So he hiked a block down the

road to the one bedroom trailer behind the bowling alley and

he knocked on the door. And Julie answered the door and she said,

"Oh, hello

Dick. I was just having trouble opening up a can of peaches.

C`mon in." So he started up the blowtorch (bwooh) and all the

peach juice ran down his veins. And he poured it in the Tupperware

that Julie used to sell in Ocean Beach. And he said:



We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic



So he loaded Julie into his `57 Chevy and he drove her up right

near the winery. Into the middle of the forest he took her. And

he tied her up to a tree. And cut half of her top down. And he

said, "Stick out your tongue." Then he put on forty-two and a

half tabs of brown acid that he still had from his Woodstock

days. Sprickled a little paote on her tongue just for good measure.

She saw all kinds of colors. Lemon yellow, orange orange, cherry

red, kaleidoscope eyes. The world was on fire. And about that

time there was a mommy deer walking through the forest with a

baby deer. And Dick cut down Julie`s arm and he poured in some

granola and he mixed it up with stricnine poison and he said,

"Oh, c`mere little deer. I have some food for you. Look at Julie."

And the mommy deer said, "Oh, I better eat it first because it

could be poisonous and my heart is much stronger than yours,

child." But really the mommy deer was just a glutton and wanted

all the food. And the mommy deer stuck her little mommy snout

into Julie`

s palm and it licked it. Mmmm. Mmmm. And it said, "oh, go ahead,

eat some." But the mommy`s heart was much stronger and when the

baby deer stuck her tongue into the palm of Julie`s hand and

licked, it died. Flat shooby doo wop down. And the mommy deer

died shortly thereafter. Zippity doo wah out on the ground. And

Dick cut Julie down from the tree and he looked at the dead deer

at his feet. And he grabbed her around the neck and pushed his

tongue right down her mouth. And he said, "Wow, nature`s so bitchin`!"



At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive (play it you silly freak!)



`Bout that time John was driving back down the road feeling really

good about helping that little old lady out. And he saw Dick`s

`57 Chevy parked on the side of the road he said, "Wow, he could

be in trouble. I`d better bring along a chainsaw, a blowtorch

and an icepick just to see if he needs help." Then he said, "Whoa,

that looks like the afghan sweater that Julie`s grandma knitted

us last summer in Ocean Beach. What`s Julie doing here?" And

he hiked through the forest. And he saw the love of his life

on a dirty brown piece of Berber carpet. Dick`s dentures on the

ground chattering. His toupee being carried off by the squirrels

and cockroaches. And he saw red and he started up a blowtorch

(bwooh). Then he welded their bodies together, took an icepick

out of a secret manilla envelope, stabbed them fifty-seven times.

Started up a chainsaw (br-r-r-r-r), cut off Dick`s ankle. Put

his foot right in his mouth and says, "Look`s like you put your

foot in your mouth one last time, Dickie Boy!" Then he looked

at the

dead deer at their feet and he picked them up. And he gave the

mommy deer mouth to mouth resucitation, but to no avail. The

mommy deer was dead. And he gave the baby deer mouth to mouth

resucitation and the baby deer came back to life. Charles Bronsan

had tears in his eyes, I guess `cause nature had been vindicated.

David Coresh was selling barbequed ribs on the side. The mommy

deer still was dead. And he said:



Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive

Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive

Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive

Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive



At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

One, two, one, two, three, quattro



John was living in Ocean Beach, California with his girlfriend,

Julie, when he decided one day, "Hey, Jule, let`s move up north.

To northern California where the air is clear and the skies are

blue and they have more traditional family values. What do say

Jule?" So they loaded up their car and they moved up north to

the Santa Cruz mountains near the Byantine Winery into a one

bedroom trailer behind the bowling alley. Two blocks from the

supermarket. One more block to the south



Of Dick`s Automotive

Dick`s Automotive

Dick`s Automotive

Dick`s Automotive



John applied for a job at Dick`s Automotive and Dick came to

the door and he said, "Tell me Johnny boy. Can you rotate the

tires on a `72 Subaru?" He said, "No." "Well then, can you change

the oil in a `76 Pinto?" He said, "No." "Well can you rebuild

a holly four-barrelled carburetor on a `69 Camaro with a big

`ol hearse shift rod?" And he said, "Um, no." "Do you have a

girlfriend with long, red, curly hair. Creamy, milk-white thighs.

Big full lips. Biceps like Henry Rollings? And can she just scream

like a hyena in the summer?" And he said, "Yes." And Dick said,

"Boy, then you`re hired."



At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive



John studied real, real hard. He learned how to rotate the tires

on a `72 Subaru. He learned how to change the oil in all the

Pinto`s. And he learned how to rebuild that holly four-barrelled

carburetor on a `69 Camaro. And much, much more than that. He

learned how to make love with his girlfriend, Julie like a real

man oughta. And Dick gave him his service stripes and he said,

"There`s a little old lady and her car`s broken down up near

the Byantine Winery. You gotta help her man. Go Sheba, Go. Rrraah,

Rrraah." So he sent him on his way and about that time Dick glued

back in his dentures, glued back on his toupee, stood in front

of the mirror and said, "I feel sexy! I wonder what Julie`s doin`

all alone in that trailer. I bet she`s having trouble opening

up a can of peaches right now. I`ll bring along my blowtorch

just to see if she needs help." So he hiked a block down the

road to the one bedroom trailer behind the bowling alley and

he knocked on the door. And Julie answered the door and she said,

"Oh, hello

Dick. I was just having trouble opening up a can of peaches.

C`mon in." So he started up the blowtorch (bwooh) and all the

peach juice ran down his veins. And he poured it in the Tupperware

that Julie used to sell in Ocean Beach. And he said:



We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic

We`re goin` on a picnic



So he loaded Julie into his `57 Chevy and he drove her up right

near the winery. Into the middle of the forest he took her. And

he tied her up to a tree. And cut half of her top down. And he

said, "Stick out your tongue." Then he put on forty-two and a

half tabs of brown acid that he still had from his Woodstock

days. Sprickled a little paote on her tongue just for good measure.

She saw all kinds of colors. Lemon yellow, orange orange, cherry

red, kaleidoscope eyes. The world was on fire. And about that

time there was a mommy deer walking through the forest with a

baby deer. And Dick cut down Julie`s arm and he poured in some

granola and he mixed it up with stricnine poison and he said,

"Oh, c`mere little deer. I have some food for you. Look at Julie."

And the mommy deer said, "Oh, I better eat it first because it

could be poisonous and my heart is much stronger than yours,

child." But really the mommy deer was just a glutton and wanted

all the food. And the mommy deer stuck her little mommy snout

into Julie`

s palm and it licked it. Mmmm. Mmmm. And it said, "oh, go ahead,

eat some." But the mommy`s heart was much stronger and when the

baby deer stuck her tongue into the palm of Julie`s hand and

licked, it died. Flat shooby doo wop down. And the mommy deer

died shortly thereafter. Zippity doo wah out on the ground. And

Dick cut Julie down from the tree and he looked at the dead deer

at his feet. And he grabbed her around the neck and pushed his

tongue right down her mouth. And he said, "Wow, nature`s so bitchin`!"



At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive (play it you silly freak!)



`Bout that time John was driving back down the road feeling really

good about helping that little old lady out. And he saw Dick`s

`57 Chevy parked on the side of the road he said, "Wow, he could

be in trouble. I`d better bring along a chainsaw, a blowtorch

and an icepick just to see if he needs help." Then he said, "Whoa,

that looks like the afghan sweater that Julie`s grandma knitted

us last summer in Ocean Beach. What`s Julie doing here?" And

he hiked through the forest. And he saw the love of his life

on a dirty brown piece of Berber carpet. Dick`s dentures on the

ground chattering. His toupee being carried off by the squirrels

and cockroaches. And he saw red and he started up a blowtorch

(bwooh). Then he welded their bodies together, took an icepick

out of a secret manilla envelope, stabbed them fifty-seven times.

Started up a chainsaw (br-r-r-r-r), cut off Dick`s ankle. Put

his foot right in his mouth and says, "Look`s like you put your

foot in your mouth one last time, Dickie Boy!" Then he looked

at the

dead deer at their feet and he picked them up. And he gave the

mommy deer mouth to mouth resucitation, but to no avail. The

mommy deer was dead. And he gave the baby deer mouth to mouth

resucitation and the baby deer came back to life. Charles Bronsan

had tears in his eyes, I guess `cause nature had been vindicated.

David Coresh was selling barbequed ribs on the side. The mommy

deer still was dead. And he said:



Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive

Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive

Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive

Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive



At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

At Dick`s Automotive

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