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I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert

That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy`s Hump Palace lookin` for love.

It had been a while.

In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went

since that midnight run haulin` hog to Shakey Town on I-10.

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin` gallons

through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit

Of The Loom tank-tops.

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,

milky white skin and baby blue eyes.

Name was Russell.





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`





Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",

this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin` my balls

like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that`s a coincidence

darlin`,

`cause I was just thinkin` about skinnin` you like a deer."

Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,

and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask

as I do my little kooky dance.

And then she told me to shush.

I guess she could sense my desperation.

`Course, it`s hard to hide a hard-on when you`re dressed like Minnie Pearl.





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`





So, Bambi`s goin` on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.

So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ

is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole

with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something

resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus`s

tummy-tum?"

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later

I`m parkin` the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.

Got to nail her back at her trailer.

Heh. That rhymes.

I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on

when I found out she was doin` me to buy baby formula.





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`





Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,

gave the tranny a spin and slid on into

The Stinky Pinky Gulp N` Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.

There I was browsin` through the latest issue of "Throb",

when I saw Bambi starin` at me from the back of a milk carton.

Well, my heart just dropped.

So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice

and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin` seventy-five

in an eighteen-wheeler.

I never thought missing children could be so sexy.

Did I say that out loud?





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert

That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy`s Hump Palace lookin` for love.

It had been a while.

In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went

since that midnight run haulin` hog to Shakey Town on I-10.

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin` gallons

through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit

Of The Loom tank-tops.

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,

milky white skin and baby blue eyes.

Name was Russell.





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`





Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",

this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin` my balls

like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that`s a coincidence

darlin`,

`cause I was just thinkin` about skinnin` you like a deer."

Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,

and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask

as I do my little kooky dance.

And then she told me to shush.

I guess she could sense my desperation.

`Course, it`s hard to hide a hard-on when you`re dressed like Minnie Pearl.





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`





So, Bambi`s goin` on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.

So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ

is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole

with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something

resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus`s

tummy-tum?"

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later

I`m parkin` the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.

Got to nail her back at her trailer.

Heh. That rhymes.

I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on

when I found out she was doin` me to buy baby formula.





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`





Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,

gave the tranny a spin and slid on into

The Stinky Pinky Gulp N` Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.

There I was browsin` through the latest issue of "Throb",

when I saw Bambi starin` at me from the back of a milk carton.

Well, my heart just dropped.

So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice

and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin` seventy-five

in an eighteen-wheeler.

I never thought missing children could be so sexy.

Did I say that out loud?





Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well I find it`s quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

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