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He’s out on the back porch again

Beggin’ to get in for the night

Nearly broke down the door

And woke the house

If not the neighborhood

I hear mama’s mad, weary voice

“What about that five-dollar bill?

When you left it was gone.

Now, I bet you know nothin’ about that.”



“Yes, I seen it,” he said,

“But I don’t steal from my only daughter.

If I’m lyin’ I’m cryin’,

And there ain’t a tear in my eye.

I got thirty-five bucks

For a paint job I done Junior Slaughter

Now, I drunk it all up

I cain’t help myself

Yes, I do try.”



When you lie to your child to her face

With that poker expression

Well, she slammed the door right on his ace

Bolted it, too

He slumped into the swing on the porch

And was snorin’

To shut out the rumble

I wound up my Whinny the Pooh



Then a scratch on the window screen

Woke me and choked me with terrror

His shadow there looked like the devil

Come after my soul

But my grandfather’s masculine voice

Said, “Come here to the winder.”

Then he hand me five dollars.

“Stick this in your poor mama’s purse.”



“Did you take it?” I asked

With the candor a child gets away with

“Well, I mighta,” he said,

“But I done it for her and for you.

Piney Finn cut me in

On the start of a surefire investment

That five there is profit

Soon there’ll be more comin’ through.



“I better go check my investment,”

He winked at me slyly

Give grandpa a kiss

His whiskery cheek scratched my face

He turned with sad, broken smile

Hobbled off to some bushes

And fished out a brown paper bag

From a fresh hidin’ place.



When he didn’t come back for a couple of days

You could see the concern in her eyes

“If he’s tryin’ to make me feel guilty

Or worried,” she said, “Then he’ll get a surprise.”



But I could remember the time

When he’d let me climb up on his back

Ride me that way down the hill

To DiMaria’s Dairy

Buy me a dreamsicle

Sing me an old army song

And I knew that the time would return

When he’d be his old self

With his hair trimmed down close

And his clean shaven face

And the scent of Old Spice

Ah, that’d be nice.



He’s out on the back porch again

Only after a month has gone by

Stiff as a board with one hand on the swing

And the other hand pressed to his side

You can tell from his face it was painful

Tho’ the hurt has gone out of his eyes

“If ya ask me,” says Piney,

“That bastard’s as thirsty

In death as he was when alive.”



Now he’s buried out in the back yard

His stone’s got a cross on the top

But by moonlight it looks

Like a bottle o’ hooch

With a corkscrew stuck into the stop

And he whispers to me that his mouth is so dry

There’s no weeds growin’ over his grave

Coz I found a full flask

In the juniper bush

And I pour him a drink every day.



If I’m lyin’, I’m cryin’

And there ain’t a tear in my eye

“If you’re dyin’, I’m buyin’,”

He lies to me, still.

And I will always love him that way.



Buy me a dreamsicle

Sing me an old army song.

Buy me a dreamsicle

Sing me an old army song.

He’s out on the back porch again

Beggin’ to get in for the night

Nearly broke down the door

And woke the house

If not the neighborhood

I hear mama’s mad, weary voice

“What about that five-dollar bill?

When you left it was gone.

Now, I bet you know nothin’ about that.”



“Yes, I seen it,” he said,

“But I don’t steal from my only daughter.

If I’m lyin’ I’m cryin’,

And there ain’t a tear in my eye.

I got thirty-five bucks

For a paint job I done Junior Slaughter

Now, I drunk it all up

I cain’t help myself

Yes, I do try.”



When you lie to your child to her face

With that poker expression

Well, she slammed the door right on his ace

Bolted it, too

He slumped into the swing on the porch

And was snorin’

To shut out the rumble

I wound up my Whinny the Pooh



Then a scratch on the window screen

Woke me and choked me with terrror

His shadow there looked like the devil

Come after my soul

But my grandfather’s masculine voice

Said, “Come here to the winder.”

Then he hand me five dollars.

“Stick this in your poor mama’s purse.”



“Did you take it?” I asked

With the candor a child gets away with

“Well, I mighta,” he said,

“But I done it for her and for you.

Piney Finn cut me in

On the start of a surefire investment

That five there is profit

Soon there’ll be more comin’ through.



“I better go check my investment,”

He winked at me slyly

Give grandpa a kiss

His whiskery cheek scratched my face

He turned with sad, broken smile

Hobbled off to some bushes

And fished out a brown paper bag

From a fresh hidin’ place.



When he didn’t come back for a couple of days

You could see the concern in her eyes

“If he’s tryin’ to make me feel guilty

Or worried,” she said, “Then he’ll get a surprise.”



But I could remember the time

When he’d let me climb up on his back

Ride me that way down the hill

To DiMaria’s Dairy

Buy me a dreamsicle

Sing me an old army song

And I knew that the time would return

When he’d be his old self

With his hair trimmed down close

And his clean shaven face

And the scent of Old Spice

Ah, that’d be nice.



He’s out on the back porch again

Only after a month has gone by

Stiff as a board with one hand on the swing

And the other hand pressed to his side

You can tell from his face it was painful

Tho’ the hurt has gone out of his eyes

“If ya ask me,” says Piney,

“That bastard’s as thirsty

In death as he was when alive.”



Now he’s buried out in the back yard

His stone’s got a cross on the top

But by moonlight it looks

Like a bottle o’ hooch

With a corkscrew stuck into the stop

And he whispers to me that his mouth is so dry

There’s no weeds growin’ over his grave

Coz I found a full flask

In the juniper bush

And I pour him a drink every day.



If I’m lyin’, I’m cryin’

And there ain’t a tear in my eye

“If you’re dyin’, I’m buyin’,”

He lies to me, still.

And I will always love him that way.



Buy me a dreamsicle

Sing me an old army song.

Buy me a dreamsicle

Sing me an old army song.

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